Sunday Slate: Texans embarrass selves in close win, Justin Tucker's got nothing left and neither do the 49ers

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Texans 23 at Jaguars 20

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Lemme get the Azeez Al-Shaair portion of this out of the way early so I can talk about the actual football: I thought his hit the knocked Trevor Lawrence into concussion protocol on a slide was a) a cheap shot and b) incredibly classless. I was glad that DeMeco Ryans essentially echoed that idea by saying some variation of “that’s not what we’re about” at both halftime and in his post-game press conference. This is not the first time Al-Shaair has gone berserk on the field, not even the first time this season. I completely understand that for athletes, there is a tough compartmentalization of who they are off the field and the ego they have to create on the field. What Al-Shaair becomes on the field is purposefully scary. But there are lines that can’t be crossed, and what it takes to become him seems to cross those lines. I am kind of hoping that he catches a suspension, be it team-enforced or NFL-enforced, for this. You can’t do what he did and be storming around like this:

As for the game itself: Goddamn, what a depressing game. The Texans managed to play their way into a 6-3 halftime lead, build a 26-6 lead by actually having a decent enough third quarter (read: Joe Mixon running well), then almost blow said lead to a team forced to play Mac Jones.

Monday morning is not the time to get deep into the tape and causes, but the Texans aren’t good enough anywhere on offense. They seem like they should have the talent to be better than this. They have an offensive line with an All-Pro left tackle, a second-round pick at guard, and highly-paid guys on the right side with Shaq Mason and Tytus Howard. They can’t run the ball consistently. They can’t pass block consistently. I didn’t see many exotic blitzes on C.J. Stroud from this lackadaisical Jaguars outfit, and they were still giving up plenty of pressure. Mixon’s only big run of the first half came when he cut back to ignore every blocker and beat a corner on the backside of the play for 11 yards.

Nico Collins is excellent, and Stroud should be in better sync with him, but he’s not. The entire offensive structure outside of screens to Collins looked broken at worst and difficult at best. The Dalton Schultz touchdown catch doesn’t happen because Stroud threads a good ball over a defender, but because he was left wide-ass open. Same as last week’s Cade Stover thing! I am glad those touchdowns are there, don’t get me wrong, but it’s hard to be optimistic about “winning a playoff game” or loftier ambitions than that when it takes wide-open receivers on obviously blown coverages to create passing touchdowns.

I don’t know how you fix it or how deep the self-scout has to go. Certainly if the Texans can find some Tampa Bay circa 2023 magic, there’s room to roam in an AFC that looks wide open. But all I have seen for the last five weeks has me thinking I can’t even call the Texans frauds, because frauds at least look good some of the time.

As for the Jaguars comeback, I guess you could say that Jacksonville was playing for their quarterback, or they had more emotion than normal. But what I saw was a lot of busted coverages. Stuff that frankly would have led to a comeback much earlier by any team run by a competent quarterback.

I dunno man, feels like a throw you have to hit if you’re an NFL starter.

This isn’t me trying to pick nits in Mac Jones — the NFL has already done that for me — but just noting that many quarterbacks would have actually completed this comeback.

Life has gotten a little more tenuous for the Texans when they aren’t able to win the pressure/sack game. They didn’t sack Jones or Lawrence once, and got only nine pressures in 49 dropbacks per NFL Pro. And when they sent pressure, those short passes wound up as pretty easily completable:

I’m glad to have a game away from this team. I haven’t completely lost hope in them becoming more than this down the stretch, but I also have no reason to expect them to be more than they are right now. They are very much a team that hasn’t figured out it isn’t good enough to out-execute the opposing team if they do dumb shit. And boy howdy do they love to do dumb shit. Especially on offense.

Eagles 24 at Ravens 19

Justin Tucker missed seven points worth of kicking in a game the Ravens lost by five points. I’m sorry to just lay it out there like this. I know that football is stupid, and I know the Ravens needed a last-minute touchdown to make it a one-score game. But they wouldn’t have had to do that if not for the fact that one of the greats of modern placekicking simply cannot do his job well anymore.

Tucker has now missed two extra points and eight field goals this year, and because the Ravens are good, every field goal he misses has come in a one-score game. They are 1-5 in games where he misses a field goal, and the one win was over the Cowboys in Week 3, in a game where they almost blew a 28-6 lead. In a space where I can’t recommend drafting a kicker on Day 2 of the draft because of history, and a space where I can’t recommend franchise-tagging non-diety-level kickers because readily available replacements are usually hitting 80 percent of the time, I can understand being contrarian with someone who used to be one of those deity-level kickers. But it’s over. And reckoning with how over it is has to come soon for the Ravens, or they will throw away the best Lamar Jackson season left. The Ravens? Not giving up yet, as John Harbaugh told reporters: “If you’re asking me are we going to move on from Justin Tucker, I’m not really planning on doing that right now.”

Baltimore’s defense has looked more capable since benching Marcus Williams for Ar’Darius Washington. They brought back Roquan Smith for this game. And … they played really well at times. Jalen Hurts could not get much going through the air without targeting A.J. Brown. The problem is that even with their beef back, the Eagles are a different kind of running attack. And eventually, the dam burst in the fourth quarter.

Philadelphia is playing as well as any team in the league right now. Their defense is fixed up — what Lamar Jackson actually managed to do in this game took a lot of heroic throws — and they can pound you on the ground while turning to their air weapons if they have to.

49ers 10 at Bills 35

That pretty much shuts the door on the 49ers season. They’re 5-7, Christian McCaffrey was lost in this game after just nine touches to a presumably season-ending PCL injury. Brock Purdy — admittedly in snow globe conditions — looked extremely limited as a passer while trying to play through his shoulder discomfort. The 49ers are now two games back of the Seahawks, last in the NFC West, and are the only team in the division with a losing record against the division, which is an important tiebreaker.

I haven’t really spent much time thinking of the future of the 49ers because it hasn’t felt important yet, but it does seem like one of those seasons where the team is playing so poorly that it even dings their future potential. In theory? You return the same roster with $49 million in 2025 cap space before you deal with the Brock Purdy extension. In actuality? Deebo Samuel doesn’t look like the same player he was in 2023, we don’t know how McCaffrey will look after another lost year heading into his age-29 season. I expect Javon Hargrave and Brandon Aiyuk to remain what they were before their major injuries but that’s granting a full recovery to players who haven’t recovered yet. The team has hardly broken in any young, big finds in the past few drafts (partially because of the capital involved in the Trey Lance trade) and the defense looks old and depleted.

And speaking of that defense, it got ran the hell over by Josh Allen and the Bills. The backwards lateral to Allen for a score will grab the wow factor headlines, but that was just dunking on the hapless. James Cook had already chewed up the 49ers in his tank treads before that play:

Ji’Ayir Brown, welcome to Fitsville. This has hardly been the only time the 49ers have struggled with the run. Take for instance, last week against the Packers. Or in Week 7 against the Chiefs. Or in Week 5 against the Cardinals. Or Week 2 against the Vikings. All games where they allowed at least 146 total rushing yards to a team that is markedly better than them.

Buffalo clinches the AFC East here, good on my preseason pick. I have to admit I did not think their running attack would be this effective this season. It has struggled at times against better teams, but it has been a clear differentiator against many teams and has let them keep Allen fresh. A great change of direction by Sean McDermott and Joe Brady.

Small screens

Colts 25 at Patriots 24

If I may:

These two did live through the Tim Tebow Era, right? I’m not trying to tell you that I don’t believe Richardson will be good — he’s a different kind of prospect, he’s still basically a rookie, and he’s still learning what he can and can’t do on a football field because he just wasn’t given enough rope in college. His ceiling remains sky high in a “I can’t write this off” Josh Allen sort of way.

But to put up those stats against a dreadful Patriots defense and come away with a close win because you turned out a 19-play, 80-yard drive that needed three different fourth-down conversions and a third-and-9 bailout DPI? That’s not something that needs to be lionized, and yes, I saw the drops.

The raw numbers are what they are: The Patriots outgained the Colts 6.6 yards per play to 4.4. Richardson played well enough to win, by definition, and it’s cool that they went for the two-point conversion to win the game. But what he did in this game doesn’t push the needle forward on his franchise quarterback status. Sorry. He may yet get there. This was more lucky than anything.

Steelers 44 at Bengals 38

The Cincinnati Bengals defense master opus is to create a season where Joe Burrow plays at the absolute apex of his powers every week and, in Deshaun Watson 2020 fashion, can’t do anything about winning a game. The Bengals managed a pick-six, but allowed 7.9(!) yards per play to a Steelers outfit with a retread quarterback and one wide receiver of note. The last time Russell Wilson threw for 400 yards in a game, the novel coronavirus had not even devastated the populace yet.

And the quotes coming off of this tell the story more than the video: Najee Harris said “we knew exactly what they were going to do on defense.” Germaine Pratt said “quick game” about 10 times in his post-game interview. Joe Burrow said he needed to “play to the absolute peak of my ability every week for us to go and win.”

The Bengals are now playing out the string at 4-8, while the Steelers gain a game on the Ravens and make it extremely hard for them to be jumped in the AFC North. The Steelers don’t seem intimidating to beat, and yet the combination of great defense and good run game — interesting recurring theme in this week’s results — overcome the deficient passing game (on paper, I should say, Russ has been good this year!) almost weekly.

I’d like to see ol Mike Tomlin wriggle his way out of THIS jam! *Tomlin wriggles his way out of the jam easily* Ah! Well. Nevertheless,

Chargers 17 at Falcons 13

Kirk Cousins said there was nothing wrong with him physically, which is great news for the Falcons except for the fact that you could hang laundry on some of his throws in this game:

The four interceptions somehow undersell how bad Cousins looked throwing the ball. Chargers defenders by the end of the game were getting their hands on roughly three of every four balls. The velocity was just not there to throw anything that wasn’t wide-ass open.

Atlanta’s defense actually played well! They sacked Justin Herbert five times and locked down every non-Ladd McConkey receiver. The Chargers ran for 3.3 yards per rush. The Falcons outgained the Chargers 350-187. It didn’t matter one bit between the pick-six and the minus-3 turnover margin the Falcons delivered to the Chargers.

Enormous game for both teams. The Chargers temporarily slide into the fifth seed in the AFC ahead of the Ravens and are still mathematically alive for the AFC West. The Falcons have the guaranteed tiebreak with the Buccaneers in the NFC South, but it is now the only reason they are in first place after dropping three games in a row.

They do have a rookie quarterback they drafted in the top ten on the bench, yeah?

Seahawks 26 at Jets 21

What a season it’s been for the Jets, who were pushed out of existence despite an early lead by the Seahawks before Geno Smith meme'd them from orbit after the game. Aaron Rodgers was staked to a 21-7 lead in the red zone during the two-minute drill in the first half, then gave us this two-play sequence to make the game a game again:

The Seahawks fumbled three times on kickoffs. They could barely run the ball at all for the entirety of the game. They were just 4-of-13 on third downs. But what they aren’t is, well, they’re not the Jets. The Jets have won just one game since Week 3. Please do not think too hard about who they played or what happened because it shames me personally.

Oh right, I’m supposed to do a Jets failure porn. The Jets are 0-5 when handing the ball over to Rodgers on a final drive with a chance to win. Jeff Ulbrich gave a not-completely-affirmative answer when asked if Rodgers would start next week. Sauce Gardner said he doesn’t know how that happened. Oh, and Seahawks coach Mike Macdonald said the injury to punter Michael Dickson warranted giving Dickson a player of the game nomination for making it possible for them to go for it on fourth-and-6 from their own 33.

Cardinals 22 at Vikings 23

The Vikings over the last five weeks have played four one-score games and one 10-point win over the Titans. None of the wins have been all that impressive. Sam Darnold hasn’t been playing that well — he did make some big throws this week despite five sacks — but between (repeats chorus you all know at this point) a good defense and a decent running game, they held on to beat the Cardinals.

Penalties really sapped Arizona’s first-half point total. A fumble they recovered from Aaron Jones led to them starting a drive in the red zone in the first quarter, but a false start and ineligible downfield penalty cost them 10 yards and they missed the ensuing field goal attempt. They made it there again on their next drive, held to create first-and-20, and didn’t get out of it. Very Texans to come out of those first three drives with just six points.

Jonathan Gannon, master tactician, did not consider going for two to make it a 14-point game in the third quarter. He did consider going for a touchdown instead of kicking to go up six in the third quarter, but decided against it. Who needs to set up a scenario where you’d incentivize the other team to kick a field goal, anyway?

Titans 19 at Commanders 42

The Titans were “hung over” from beating the Texans. OK. They were down 28-0 before the second quarter was five minutes old. Would have been 31-0 if not for a missed field goal, and Will Levis actually didn’t turn it over or take that many sacks, this was just a thorough asskicking at the line of scrimmage. When you lose rushing yards 35 to 267, and when Chris Rodriguez is running over you for 7.2 yards a pop — someone who was an unsigned free agent last week — hard to say much positive about you.

The Commanders, with the Cardinals loss, take a more thorough hold on the last NFC Wild Card spot. They’re 1.5 up on the 6-6 crew in the 8-10 spots. I guess Kliff Kingsbury’s passing offense regression isn’t really that big of a deal when you can line up and beat someone around like they did today.

Buccaneers 26 at Panthers 23 (OT)

I’ve been loathe to give Bryce Young credit because I think he was rightfully benched and because the box score lines have not been pretty, but I think he’s come back with a lot more confidence than he had earlier in the season. And, if I’m being honest, I think he’s throwing with better velocity now too. You didn’t see throws like this on the Week 1 and 2 tape:

Somehow the NFL found a way to rule this not a touchdown. Criminal! The Panthers lose a tight game because of two missed Eddy Pineiro kicks and a brutal Chuba Hubbard fumble while trying to set up a Pineiro kick in overtime. But I think they’ll gladly trade the loss for Young looking as good as he did.

Bucky Irving is now second on the list of most scrimmage yards in Buccaneers history through his first 12 games, behind Doug Martin and ahead of Warrick Dunn and Mike Evans.

Rams 21 at Saints 14

Sean McVay’s club rebounded from a zero-point first half and started actually running the ball against the Saints instead of putting Matthew Stafford in harm’s way. The Saints started this game out like they were a service academy by using a total of 14:01 of clock on their first two drives for a field goal and a missed field goal. The Rams ran three plays in the first quarter, turned it over on downs on their second drive, then got hot in the second half and won themselves the right to stay in the NFC West conversation for another week.

The Saints, well, the Marquez Valdes-Scantling thing rules. He has four touchdowns in four games with the Saints. Meanwhile, Nick Westbrook-Ikhine has eight in eight games he’s been targeted in with the Titans. Perhaps the key to scoring touchdowns is to hyphenate your last name. Taysom Hill went down with an injury that appears to be season-ending. Rough.

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